Who Do They Think They're Writing For?

In response to Generation Gossip Investigates: How can Soaps Survive and Thrive?

Who Do They Think They’re Writing For?

Daytime TV has finally become the horribly written, cheesy quasi-drama that non-viewers have been calling it for years. Do the writers even have a clue who they’re writing for? Once upon a time, they were writing for housewives who actually had access to a TV (or long ago, a radio) during the day. But with housewives came their kids, kids who have grown up watching soaps and continue to do so now that they’re adults thanks to VCRs (which I still use), DVR and the Soap Net channel. These people are not only housewives but educated professionals, and the filth that the daytime writers are throwing at us is insulting. Okay, fine, they don’t have to actually be a doctor to write for them, but at least hit up wikipedia before throwing out a bunch of terms that people who are actually in the medical field laugh at. Or, better yet, stop recycling storylines and taking them from the other soaps. Didn’t they have to take a creative writing course in college? Did they even go to college?

Let me just say that I am a soap fan. I’ve been watching All My Children since before I can remember, and when my mom was a housewife way back when, we watched General Hospital (which I must admit I’ve stopped watching). Recently I’ve started watching One Life to Live but I’ve only got a few months of that under my belt. For a while there, I thought OLTL was much better than AMC, but lately, I think they both suck.

Okay, fine, the writers want me to believe yet another back-from-the-dead story. I get it. Actors leave, they get promised stuff, they come back. Fine. But am I really supposed to be on board with everything that comes with it? Okay, it made for great drama when All My Children’s Greenlee (Rebecca Buddig) found “the love of her life” Ryan (Cameron Mathison) in bed with her arch enemy, Erica Kane (Susan Lucci) and vowed revenge. But then we’re supposed to jump on the Rylee (Ryan and Greenlee) train because Ryan knows what’s best for Greenlee? We’re supposed to swoon over the fact that he kidnapped her, threw her over his shoulder after her having had back surgery, and locked her in a room even though he knows she’s claustrophobic? That he’s in her face every time she turns around promising he’ll stay away? Manipulated her employee into putting them together yet again? Seriously, writers, this is not how you get fans.

And that’s not the only crap they’re showing us on AMC. Not only do we have to deal with insulting cavemen, we also have a college-age spoiled brat and her on-again/off-again dying brother trying to get rid of the wicked stepmother. Colby (Natalie Hall) and J.R. (Jacob Young) are doing nothing but making me feel bad for Annie (Melissa Claire Egan), so soon after the writers tried to get us to hate her for framing her daughter. The writers seriously need to decide if Annie is a good guy or a bad guy and write her that way. I feel really sorry for the girl, which is probably not what I’m supposed to feel. And by the way, can someone either get Brittany Allen (Marissa) acting lessons or write her off the show? The girl needs to learn how to not smile with every line she delivers. Happy, sad, crying, yelling, it’s all smiles for her. Besides, Marissa is probably the most boring character I’ve ever seen. She could have had a great storyline, what with being sold at birth and all, but no, I’m bored to tears by her.

And I’m angered beyond all at the supposed Chief of Police, Jesse Hubbard (Darnell Williams). This guy takes more liberty with the law than Billy the Kid. How many kidnappings has he been in on now, three? There was Kendall, Annie, and I’m not sure if he knew about Erica taking David recently, but I’m pretty sure he just plain wouldn’t care. He constantly talks down to everyone, jumped on the Ryan train, and treats his daughter like a piece of trash. Hmm… that’s right, his 20 year old daughter. But wait, wasn’t he in the “witness protection program” for 20 years? Didn’t take him too long to get over his old family and get a new one. Maybe that new family had a head start, and that’s why he had to “donate his organs.” And constantly shoving Natalia (Shannon Kane) to the backburner for more important things in his life, like Zach (Thorsten Kaye) and David. No wonder the poor kid became a cop, she thought she’d get some attention from her daddy. But all her daddy wants to do is tell her she’s wrong (when she’s right, anyone remember her investigation into Stuart’s death) and throw it in her face that she’s only a rookie. But wait! He can use her to get David, right? Let’s fire the rookie and tell her if she models for Fusion that she can be a detective! Give me a break. Not only are they writing Jesse as a horrible person/father, he’s the most crooked chief of police since Stanley Lowell on OLTL. Makes me sorta miss Lowell. At least you could understand why he was doing what he was doing. With Jesse, it’s really hard to grasp him putting all these people ahead of his family and (lack of) morals.

Let’s hop over to One Life to Live. Can Jessica (Bree Williamson) grow up, please? This is ridiculous. I’m sure if someone woke up thinking it was 11 years ago, they’d be all sorts of confused. And probably all kinds of hurt. But can Jessica please stop stalking Christian (David Fumero)? It’s getting really old. How many times does he have to tell Jessica no? How many times do we have to listen to her whine about her knowing how he feels? Knowing they belong together, knowing… wait, did she turn into Ryan on AMC? Sure sounds like it… Anyway, get over it Jess. I am.

And her brother Rex (John-Paul Lavoisier) needs to get off my screen, too. Let’s face it, the guy can’t act. He portrays Rex as nothing more than a Neanderthal cartoon. His facial expressions are too over the top for stage acting, let alone television. And the character really needs to get over himself and accept some blame. All he can ever do is accuse and blame everything on everyone else, nothing is ever his fault. He seems to find joy in rubbing people’s faces in their mistakes, although he himself has never made one. He’s got no respect for anyone except maybe Bo, but even that is debatable. Maybe John-Paul should move over to Disney channel. The kids really go crazy for the over-emphasized faces and running into tables stuff.

This is quite refreshing! I usually post on the Soap Central boards, and we get yelled at and posts deleted if we dare speak ill of an actor. We can’t attack them or hurt their feelings. Don’t get me wrong, the Soap Central boards are great, fun, and I love them, but some of the moderators are way up on high horses. Besides, if the actors are gonna get their feelings hurt, they can either not read the boards, or deal with it. It’s called life. If you suck, you’re gonna get called out on it. But then, this is the age of the trophies where everyone is a winner, which is a subject for another day.

And so I come to my final point of daytime writers: Kish! Kish is what viewers have nicknamed the couple of Kyle and Fish (Brett Claywell and Scott Evans). The Kish storyline is probably the only one that was well-written. In fact, I think it’s the best storyline on a soap since Michael Cambius invaded Pine Valley (wrong show, I know, just sayin’…) Viewers have fallen in love with Kish, especially since Fish finally came out of the closet at the mass gay wedding, defending against the gay bashers while he was supposed to be keeping order. But no. We finally get a great storyline, one that can continue to be great, with incredible actors, and they get fired. Click here and here and here for all the details. I’m just super disappointed. The greatest storyline of our generation and it’s gone. They really don’t care who they’re writing for, as long as they’re getting that fat paycheck.

Mandy’s Musings is a somewhat-regular column of Generation Gossip. Happy Gossiping!