My Summers with Bob Barker

With the weather getting warmer, I can’t help but to remember the good ole days of summer filled with baby sitting, swimming, and Bob Barker. Each week day, I would head over to watch the boys. At first, I got there early so we could have breakfast and plan an eventful day. But it always seemed like the boys stayed in their pajamas well after I got there, laying on the couches and eating cereal. So I decided I was going to sleep in a little bit and get the boys closer to 10. Well, they still weren’t motivated by 10, so I turned on the TV, looking for a weather report, hoping to entice them with swimming. But instead of the Weather Channel, the TV was already on CBS. The boys loudly objected when I tried to switch stations – they wanted to watch The Price is Right.

“Why?” I’d ask, “So you can check out the girls showing off cars and dishwashers?”

“No, because they might have Plinko!”

Plinko. We waited half the summer for Plinko. And while waiting for Plinko, we decided it would be fun to pretend we were in the audience and shout prices at everyone. Sue Bee Honey was on practically every day. And it was eighty-nine cents. And no one ever got it right. It became our battle cry, “Eighty-nine cents, eighty-nine cents!”

And boy did we love watching that wheel spin. We’d crack up every time someone’s second spin netted them with $1.05. We’d jump up and down and holler when someone got one dollar on the first spin. And then the Showcase Showdown, oh how fun that was! We always made guesses at the prices, and we were usually way off. Too bad they didn’t have Sue Bee Honey in the showdowns.

By the time someone was driving off in their new RV or checking out their new living rooms, the boys were ready to enjoy summer. But then I decided they needed to learn about the world. Right after The Price is Right, I’d make them sit and watch the news. At first I told them we needed to see if it was going to rain that day, but then I gave up on that idea and told them they had to have some clue as to what really happened out there. We’d see what was going on, wait for the weather, and then I’d give in and turn the TV off before the sports came on, but that was really only because I didn’t like sports back then. So we’d go to the pool, or the skate park, or to a movie (we saw Rugrats like, five times that summer), and we’d have to be back to their house in time to watch TRL on MTV. That’s when I taught them that there was more to life than N’Sync and Britney and Christina. Kid Rock made the countdown so I had to teach them about rock/rap and explain to them why it was a good idea for me to get my eyebrow pierced. Of course they decided they wanted pierced, too, but I let their mom handle that one. And the one about me having a baby and not being married, but that’s another story.

Not very long ago, I finally started college and got a job on campus at the restaurant. Imagine my surprise when the youngest of the boys I babysat came through my line and showed me his college ID. Now how is it possible that the little boy I used to baby sit and try to talk out of liking pop music was in college now? Worse, how is it that he’s almost done? This doesn’t make me old, does it? Or that my baby is now twelve? Or that I gave up on the body piercings long, long ago? Or that the last time I heard Pantera I decided I was over them? No, no… They may all be getting older, but I am still young and hip and cool and…. Oh who am I kidding…? I’m old. I can’t even stand to watch the new Price is Right with stupid Drew Carey. It’s just not the same without Bob. Lord help me, I sound like an adult!

And by the way, spay or neuter your pets, or Bob and I will come after you!

Is Severus Snape a "Creep?"

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She's run, run, run, running out

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here

"Creep," by Radiohead, obviously.

Doing research for a class, I came across the lyrics and read some comments others have left regarding it, and saw one where someone said that Thom said in an interview that he wrote this about an obsession he had that lasted about eight months, and it ended badly, and she knows who she is. I decided this song should be dedicated to Snape and Lily, from the wonderful world of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter. Snape was so in love with Lily that when she rejected him, he ran in the opposite direction, and wrapped himself in darkness. "I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control." Snape was so hurt by Lily's rejection that he went somewhere, anywhere (to Voldemort) to try to get over the pain she caused (even though HE caused it, Snape was very emo, ha), but he couldn't forget her, and even though he was trying to submerse himself in a new life, he just couldn't get over his feelings for her, and when he found out she was going to die, he betrayed his new life to save her. And when that went wrong, he was stuck with a constant reminder of her, day in and day out, once Harry got to school. Sure, Harry looked like his dad, whom Snape hated, but repeatedly it was mentioned that Harry had his mother's eyes, and how many hours had Snape spent looking into those eyes, or wishing he could look into them? So every time he saw Harry, he saw Lily, and relived the pain of her rejection and death, and continued to live a tortured life. But even through the pain, he'd so whatever it took to keep Lily's child safe, hoping that that act, somehow, could be his redemption, could let Lily forgive him when they met again in the afterlife. But in the meantime, he was just a creep.

Who Do They Think They're Writing For?

In response to Generation Gossip Investigates: How can Soaps Survive and Thrive?

Who Do They Think They’re Writing For?

Daytime TV has finally become the horribly written, cheesy quasi-drama that non-viewers have been calling it for years. Do the writers even have a clue who they’re writing for? Once upon a time, they were writing for housewives who actually had access to a TV (or long ago, a radio) during the day. But with housewives came their kids, kids who have grown up watching soaps and continue to do so now that they’re adults thanks to VCRs (which I still use), DVR and the Soap Net channel. These people are not only housewives but educated professionals, and the filth that the daytime writers are throwing at us is insulting. Okay, fine, they don’t have to actually be a doctor to write for them, but at least hit up wikipedia before throwing out a bunch of terms that people who are actually in the medical field laugh at. Or, better yet, stop recycling storylines and taking them from the other soaps. Didn’t they have to take a creative writing course in college? Did they even go to college?

Let me just say that I am a soap fan. I’ve been watching All My Children since before I can remember, and when my mom was a housewife way back when, we watched General Hospital (which I must admit I’ve stopped watching). Recently I’ve started watching One Life to Live but I’ve only got a few months of that under my belt. For a while there, I thought OLTL was much better than AMC, but lately, I think they both suck.

Okay, fine, the writers want me to believe yet another back-from-the-dead story. I get it. Actors leave, they get promised stuff, they come back. Fine. But am I really supposed to be on board with everything that comes with it? Okay, it made for great drama when All My Children’s Greenlee (Rebecca Buddig) found “the love of her life” Ryan (Cameron Mathison) in bed with her arch enemy, Erica Kane (Susan Lucci) and vowed revenge. But then we’re supposed to jump on the Rylee (Ryan and Greenlee) train because Ryan knows what’s best for Greenlee? We’re supposed to swoon over the fact that he kidnapped her, threw her over his shoulder after her having had back surgery, and locked her in a room even though he knows she’s claustrophobic? That he’s in her face every time she turns around promising he’ll stay away? Manipulated her employee into putting them together yet again? Seriously, writers, this is not how you get fans.

And that’s not the only crap they’re showing us on AMC. Not only do we have to deal with insulting cavemen, we also have a college-age spoiled brat and her on-again/off-again dying brother trying to get rid of the wicked stepmother. Colby (Natalie Hall) and J.R. (Jacob Young) are doing nothing but making me feel bad for Annie (Melissa Claire Egan), so soon after the writers tried to get us to hate her for framing her daughter. The writers seriously need to decide if Annie is a good guy or a bad guy and write her that way. I feel really sorry for the girl, which is probably not what I’m supposed to feel. And by the way, can someone either get Brittany Allen (Marissa) acting lessons or write her off the show? The girl needs to learn how to not smile with every line she delivers. Happy, sad, crying, yelling, it’s all smiles for her. Besides, Marissa is probably the most boring character I’ve ever seen. She could have had a great storyline, what with being sold at birth and all, but no, I’m bored to tears by her.

And I’m angered beyond all at the supposed Chief of Police, Jesse Hubbard (Darnell Williams). This guy takes more liberty with the law than Billy the Kid. How many kidnappings has he been in on now, three? There was Kendall, Annie, and I’m not sure if he knew about Erica taking David recently, but I’m pretty sure he just plain wouldn’t care. He constantly talks down to everyone, jumped on the Ryan train, and treats his daughter like a piece of trash. Hmm… that’s right, his 20 year old daughter. But wait, wasn’t he in the “witness protection program” for 20 years? Didn’t take him too long to get over his old family and get a new one. Maybe that new family had a head start, and that’s why he had to “donate his organs.” And constantly shoving Natalia (Shannon Kane) to the backburner for more important things in his life, like Zach (Thorsten Kaye) and David. No wonder the poor kid became a cop, she thought she’d get some attention from her daddy. But all her daddy wants to do is tell her she’s wrong (when she’s right, anyone remember her investigation into Stuart’s death) and throw it in her face that she’s only a rookie. But wait! He can use her to get David, right? Let’s fire the rookie and tell her if she models for Fusion that she can be a detective! Give me a break. Not only are they writing Jesse as a horrible person/father, he’s the most crooked chief of police since Stanley Lowell on OLTL. Makes me sorta miss Lowell. At least you could understand why he was doing what he was doing. With Jesse, it’s really hard to grasp him putting all these people ahead of his family and (lack of) morals.

Let’s hop over to One Life to Live. Can Jessica (Bree Williamson) grow up, please? This is ridiculous. I’m sure if someone woke up thinking it was 11 years ago, they’d be all sorts of confused. And probably all kinds of hurt. But can Jessica please stop stalking Christian (David Fumero)? It’s getting really old. How many times does he have to tell Jessica no? How many times do we have to listen to her whine about her knowing how he feels? Knowing they belong together, knowing… wait, did she turn into Ryan on AMC? Sure sounds like it… Anyway, get over it Jess. I am.

And her brother Rex (John-Paul Lavoisier) needs to get off my screen, too. Let’s face it, the guy can’t act. He portrays Rex as nothing more than a Neanderthal cartoon. His facial expressions are too over the top for stage acting, let alone television. And the character really needs to get over himself and accept some blame. All he can ever do is accuse and blame everything on everyone else, nothing is ever his fault. He seems to find joy in rubbing people’s faces in their mistakes, although he himself has never made one. He’s got no respect for anyone except maybe Bo, but even that is debatable. Maybe John-Paul should move over to Disney channel. The kids really go crazy for the over-emphasized faces and running into tables stuff.

This is quite refreshing! I usually post on the Soap Central boards, and we get yelled at and posts deleted if we dare speak ill of an actor. We can’t attack them or hurt their feelings. Don’t get me wrong, the Soap Central boards are great, fun, and I love them, but some of the moderators are way up on high horses. Besides, if the actors are gonna get their feelings hurt, they can either not read the boards, or deal with it. It’s called life. If you suck, you’re gonna get called out on it. But then, this is the age of the trophies where everyone is a winner, which is a subject for another day.

And so I come to my final point of daytime writers: Kish! Kish is what viewers have nicknamed the couple of Kyle and Fish (Brett Claywell and Scott Evans). The Kish storyline is probably the only one that was well-written. In fact, I think it’s the best storyline on a soap since Michael Cambius invaded Pine Valley (wrong show, I know, just sayin’…) Viewers have fallen in love with Kish, especially since Fish finally came out of the closet at the mass gay wedding, defending against the gay bashers while he was supposed to be keeping order. But no. We finally get a great storyline, one that can continue to be great, with incredible actors, and they get fired. Click here and here and here for all the details. I’m just super disappointed. The greatest storyline of our generation and it’s gone. They really don’t care who they’re writing for, as long as they’re getting that fat paycheck.

Mandy’s Musings is a somewhat-regular column of Generation Gossip. Happy Gossiping!

Mandy's Musings: When Corey Haim To Me to Prom

Let’s talk about preteen Mandy. And her preteen best friend, Amber. (I suppose today they’d be called “tweens,” but this is Mandy’s nostalgia talking, and we didn’t use stupid words like “tween” back then. We were just kids waiting to get to ride in the back of the bus away from the kindergartners and to grow boobs and shave our legs.) Now, keep in mind, since they’re preteens, this is before they got in trouble doing stupid teenage stuff, like sneaking out and kissing boys. This is when they just dreamed about sneaking out and kissing boys. Before they knew what all that really led to. When the only model for romance they had was watching movies on HBO, back when it was a part of basic cable. (It was channel 18, by the way.)

Mandy and Amber spent days after school playing Barbies and dress up, and pretending their Barbies or imaginary teenage alter egos were getting ready for dates with the Hollywood hunks of the time. At this point, they were usually getting ready for prom. Which was great, because Mandy’s older cousin who’d already graduated gave her all her old prom dresses for just such an occasion. They were very poofy and pink and ruffly, but the girls didn’t mind. After all, they also inherited make-up and high heels and lots and lots of hairspray. Usually the girls gave themselves fake names to go with their fake personas. Because of course, fake girls who were 5’10” with long blonde hair and huge boobs needed really cool names, like Cynthia or Jasmine.

One day, on the school bus ride home, Amber decided they needed to make “little black books.” Like they had any clue what a little black book really was. We, I mean, they, just thought it was a place where you wrote down all the names of the hot guys. Mandy’s “little black book” was a purple notebook about the size of a folded dollar with white hearts. There were two columns: one for guys they actually knew from school, and one for famous guys that even they, as preteen girls, knew they’d never have a chance with. Column one was filled with names like … well, let’s not go there. After all, Mandy and Amber still live in the same small town they grew up in (and most of those guys have grown into worthless men). But column two held names like Charlie Sheen (who is still on Mandy’s list), Christian Slater, Kiefer Sutherland, Tom Cruise (give them a break - they were young, and he wasn’t crazy then… or short), and of course, the two Coreys, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. Basically, all the guys from “Young Guns”, “The Outsiders”, or “License to Drive”.

Usually, Corey and Corey would pick up Cynthia and Jasmine at Mandy’s bedroom door and escort them to prom, which was in the space between Mandy’s bed and dresser. Because it couldn’t be in the family room, that’s where Mandy’s two sisters and two brothers were fighting over whether to watch WWF or Who’s the Boss. So they took the four steps to the high school gym which was decorated with lots of stuffed animals and a Garfield bedspread, and cranked up the boom box which usually played New Kids on the Block, Bon Jovi, and Tiffany, because Mandy only had three cassette tapes. They would dance and drink punch (water) and have a wonderful dreamy time, until one of the Corey’s spiked the punch (water) and got into a fight with the other Corey because his date was prettier. Which was about the time that Mandy and Amber got into a real fight and Amber had to walk home. Then Mandy’s step-brother would ask her why she had on so much make-up and looked like a hooker. They didn’t find out what a hooker was until a couple years later, when they saw Pretty Woman. And then they thought being a hooker was cool because they get to meet rich guys and swim in bathtubs and get way better prom dresses. But of course, this was when they were preteens, and still thought that sex was just being really, really close to someone on the beach (i.e. “Cocktail”), and when movies showing on HBO in the afternoon didn’t show much more than that. Now, of course, they know better, and no longer want to be hookers. Or have sex with Richard Gere.

But I digress... Preteen Mandy and preteen Amber were totally in love with Corey Haim. Grown-up Mandy almost ran off the road today when she heard on the radio while driving home from work that Corey Haim has passed away. Grown-up Mandy is sad and has gone into her cocoon, so preteen Mandy has taken over temporarily. Preteen Mandy has a message for Corey:

Dear Corey,
Hey, remember when I first saw you? I think it was in “License to Drive.” I always wished I had a twin sister, but not a nerdy one like yours. Hey, wasn’t it weird that you were like, almost grown up, and your mom was having a baby? That’s wild!! I liked watching you in that movie, you were so cute. That driver’s exam man was a complete meany. Was it way cool to be able to drive and be in a movie at the same time? Everyone so totally wanted to change their name to “Mercedes” so that you’d like them. I wonder if that’s why future-Mandy’s sister named her first kid Mercedes? (true story)
I felt really bad for you in “Lucas” because that pretty girl didn’t like you like that. If it makes you feel better, I like you like that. But I like Charlie Sheen like that, too. But I like you like that better. Did it hurt when you caught the football and got tackled and had to go to the hospital? I almost cried when you opened your locker and found the letterman jacket.
I really loved watching you in “The Lost Boys.” That movie was so freaky!!! I can’t believe you almost had to kill your brother! I have a couple of brothers you can get rid of. I’m glad it all worked out in the end, and I’m glad your brother was okay, even though he could be a jerk. I wish you could make a sequel to that movie!!
Oh no, Corey, I have to get to gym class.
WBS!!
TLA!!!
Love, preteen Mandy

Hmm… Well… now that Grown-up Mandy is back, she still has something she would like to ask Corey: Where do you stick it in a mermaid? And do you have any clue what happened to my little black book? It disappeared from my hiding spot, along with my twenty bucks. Which was a lot of money for a preteen in 1990. She could have bought a Barbie Jeep or something.


Mandy's Musings is a column of www.generationgossip.com.

Where's the Kate Hate?

Mandy's Musings: Where's the Kate Hate?
Originally posted Monday, March 8, on www.generationgossip.com


When Jon Gosselin left his family to help special needs kids learn to snowboard, Kate Gosselin made a production about him not being there for his kids. But apparently, Kate has no problem leaving her kids three nights a week to be on Dancing with the Stars. The kicker? She refuses to let Jon have the kids while she's gone. She says it's not part of their custody arrangement.

I am a little baffled at the public's treatment of Jon and Kate. Sure, Jon was a dog and cheated on his wife (who herself was cheating), but he's never made it a secret that he wants to see his kids. In fact, in several episodes of the now-canceled TLC show "Jon & Kate plus 8", Kate repeatedly yelled at Jon to do things around the house when he "just wanted to play with (his) kids."

Why the constant Jon-bashing? It's not like he didn't do what half the married couples in this country do, it's not like it was shocking. I mean, who couldn't see this coming a mile away? How could someone not think that Jon had enough of being ridiculed on national TV and being treated like a dog? Everyone knew it was going to happen. Even Joel McHale made a joke on his E! show The Soup, saying that if Kate didn't watch it, there would be a new show called "Jon Minus Nine," which got big laughs. So why was everyone so shocked and offended when Jon went elsewhere?

When Jon and Kate were still married, the media had no problem criticizing Kate for her treatment of Jon, for firing the free nannies the church provided before they became famous, for cutting off ties to the kids' beloved Aunt Jodi. But man, oh man, just let Jon get a girlfriend, and bam! he's the only bad guy around.

Kate has said many times that they money they made from their TLC show is "for the kids." She even took Jon to court over a mere $30,000 that he was not entitled to. I guess it was the kids who needed the dance floor installed in their basement, in lieu of some much-needed time with a child psychologist.

And by the way, even though I'm on Team Jon, I do not, I repeat, do not want to see him in anything less than full attire. Kate, however, I would love to see with her lovely fake hair combed. Guess they forgot to tell her that just because it's not real doesn't mean it's maintenance-free.....